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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
Running behind is my cardio.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.