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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
Alcohol won’t solve your problems, but neither does milk or orange juice.
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
That moment when you pour yourself a bowl of cereal and discover there`s no milk. So you just sit there, wondering why bad things happen to good people?
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations.
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
You couldn`t handle five minutes in my head.