Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
You make me have filthy thoughts, and for that I thank you...
I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I asked for a beer.
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
I want to meet the guy at Hewlett Packard who decides how many minutes of strange noises their printers make before printing 1 page.
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?