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When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what`s for dinner.
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he`s going to the clinic for a `work related` injury.
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.
:): The Bipolar smiley face