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My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don`t run into anyone you know
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
I was disappointed to learn that the Discovery Channel’s program “Deadliest Catch” wasn’t about first marriages.
Babysitters are just teenagers who behave like adults so that adults can go out and behave like teenagers.
I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.