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So many rules; so little time to break them.
Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
So can we just skip to summer now?
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.