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I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes.
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
My wife treats me like a God…She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.