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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
Sometimes I`ll go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis.
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
I’ve found that the things I’m most interested in aren’t really in my best interest.
Hey Lady!, I just deposited $43 dollars in THIS bank.. DON`T FROWN AT ME WHEN I TAKE 3 SUCKERS!
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack