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What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.
be smart, pretend to be stupid!
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !