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There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won`t have to talk to them.
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
I have some serious self-esteem issues. The last time I posted a selfie I first cropped myself out of it.
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?