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Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers