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My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
Why can`t braille just be in the shape of the letters?
“Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN
I`m more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
There`s both a McDonald`s and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned