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I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don`t whether it`s am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
It`s kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.