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If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
All milk is breast milk.
Raising teenagers is easy, they sleep 16 hours day, eat the other 8, and the only word in their vocab is "ok"
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
I wish my life had background music so I could figure out what the hell is going on.
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.