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“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that`s how the fight started.
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.