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Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
Save water- shower with me!
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
Let’s be the generation that stops putting things in our butts and having to go to the emergency room to get them taken out, shall we?
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.
New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...