Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
I need new swear words.
I have off-road rage, too
I put a pair of boots in the bathroom stall at work so nobody else will use the stall that I like to use.
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.