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My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
Personally, I think failure should be an option
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team
There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don`t know.