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I’m cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
Holiday Tip #236: When hosting a covered dish holiday dinner where everyone brings something, never put a skinny person in charge of desserts.
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.