Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
I know u r but what am I ?
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
Line forms here for spankings
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.