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My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.