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Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
if you want me to go running with you, I´m going to need some motivation... Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.