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I have an inferiority complex, but it`s not a very good one.
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
My New Year`s resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook