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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
This one isnt that funny, keep scrolling.
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"