Daily Silly Status

Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.

My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.

I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.

You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...

My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.

A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.

Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.

I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?

I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.

I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.

Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....

If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.

some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"

People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.

Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?