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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.