Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.