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What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
When nobody`s home, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house.
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
These bar stools are creaky!! [continues to fart on first date]