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My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5