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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.