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GF: Does this dress make my a$$ look big? BF: Nope Your A$$ makes the dress look big.
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
Exaggerations went up a million percent last year.
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”