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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
take me drunk i`m home
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
"is Pepsi ok?" - my coke dealer, tryin to be funny
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.