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Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
" I don`t watch much tv" proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don`t think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me.
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
Well, it`s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
Use Angie`s List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants.
Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are "your house keys" and "your house." Well, son, that`s what drinking is like.
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?