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If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?