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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why i fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again..
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
I was just thinking, which is the biggest thing I plan on accomplishing today.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.