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If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.