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Who the hell is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
Real friends show me their boobs
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.