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“I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
I’m going to start telling women that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
Doing absolutely nothing on the weekends has started to feel more fun than actually going out.
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol