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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
Einstein was wrong. The real definition of insanity is trying to clean your house when you have children.
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
Advertising taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
Im convinced that one day we will all live in the future.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.