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If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
If our son ever decides he wants to play sports, I`ll sign up to be his coach. It`s important that he knows that I`ll swear at other kids too.
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
I grew up for this?
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.