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Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
I can`t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
Ban pre-shredded cheese! Make America grate again.
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.