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I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now Googling how to extract a fork from bone without causing more damage.
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button