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Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?