Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
That awkward moment when you finally realize what your rice krispies are saying to you.
figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex`s driveway.
If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you`re doing it.
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.