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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
If only life was as easy as getting fat.
The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??