Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A wise man once said nothing.
We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
You know you`re up really late at night when you turn on ESPN and 2 white guys are boxing!
Just quit my job so I can spend more quality time giving out candy crush extra lives.
I hate Cheetos stains on my peignoir.........
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
Running away doesn`t help your problems, unless you`re fat. Then yeah, run away.
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.