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The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
Exercise? More like extra fries.
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a video camera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
I’m in no shape to exercise.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.