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Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
Be careful, there is also plenty of mentally unstable fish in the sea.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
Today is the 1st anniversary of the end of the world. Can you believe it`s been a year since the world ended? Time sure flies when it`s the apocalypse.
I`m for driverless cars, but honestly, having to drive is the only thing standing in the way of me being a complete drunk piece of sh!t 24/7
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won`t be listening then either.
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?
I`ve often wondered: Who the heck is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?