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I`m not saying I`m lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my car so I just wrote back "nah"
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm ... So I peed on her
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
Someday, somewhere, somehow I’m going to do something.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
My brain has too many tabs open.
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.