Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why didn`t you text me? I`ll never call you back. Like, ever. You`d have better luck with a telegram.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
The sooner one of you ladies takes ‘one for the team’ and becomes my girlfriend, they sooner I leave the REST of you alone!