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I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
The more I drink, the more I realize how much more I still want to drink.
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
Stapling water to a tree is easier than controlling your laughter at serious times.
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy