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When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
Shouldn`t we get paid to use the self-service checkouts in supermarkets? It`s like we work there for a little while.
I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?
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I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
Early reports indicate I`m gonna be drunk all weekend.
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness
I try not to limit my madness to March.