Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you`re doing it.
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
"There are singles in your area." - me telling a stripper she forgot some money on the floor
Based on my reaction to toast popping out of a toaster, I’d like to recommend you never throw me a surprise party.