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It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
My internet goes out more than I do.
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
I hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.