Daily Silly Status

Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.

I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."

I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn`t reach very far.

I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.

We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me

Laughter is the best medicine (that my insurance is willing to cover)

I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.

Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.

MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."

Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time

You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.

A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.

I would`ve thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited `til it was dark instead.

Last night I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, but then I realized I’d just put my hoodie on backwards

Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.