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The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I`ll be out sick.
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
Iād slap you but Iām pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
Line forms here for spankings
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty