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The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Has anyone seen where I put my organizational skills?
Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
As it turns out, I’m not an afternoon person either.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?
Why do people at home on TV have their pants on?