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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
I found $40 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy dart guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, dart guns and candy".
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon