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Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn`t already know that.
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their sh!t together.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...