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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
Some people are grateful for the impact you made in their life…. It’s not me, I think you’re a pr!ck.