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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
I have to be careful what I say online because my kids might find out how cool I am and want to start hanging out with me.
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
I wonder how seaworld would react if I walked in there with a fishing pole....
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a kung fu problem, it`s not a problem if you`re good at it.
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
It seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.
I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.