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Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.
My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: The one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.