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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn’t enough motivation to get off the couch.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
The guy who invented the Time Machine has just died.... RIP DAVE JONES 2187-2014
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.