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I have off-road rage, too
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
Life is simple. Eat. Sleep. Update Facebook status.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
I’m so happy people can’t hear what I’m thinking.
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.