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I`m at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of needing groceries
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
I wish the minutes after hitting the snooze button lasted as long as microwave minutes.
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.