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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say "Don`t get smart with me!"