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Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought regular donuts.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
"The secret is that it`s all in the wrist!" -My grandfather talking about golf or handjobs or something
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
I just threw up my weekend.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.