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When they say: "Wow, you`re really photogenic." What they mean: "Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."
Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
Some days are better than others. And those days always involve alcohol.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.