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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
I`m really good at making poor decisions. You`re my favorite so far.
Don’t jump to confusions.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don`t. So, from now on I`m only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?
You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.