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I just called. To say. I texted you.
Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
Trust me when I say anyone can dance! - Jack Daniels
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.