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I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
Please pay me in cash. I`m not trying to hide money from the IRS, I`m trying to hide it from the MRS.
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
My 2017 resolution is to stop thinking so much about the future.
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
When you are not happy and would like to go back to being young, think of Algebra!