Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
It`s really ironic that I mostly use my driver`s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
My inner child is a drunken whore
You are so selfish! You´re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards