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If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose vodka.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
That moment when being uncool, is cool
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...